Going Back
by Katerinaki
Summary: Jedi Padawan Kelreen Nayqus finds herself lost in a new world after the end of the world. She and her fellow Jedi must return to their posts as Guardians of Peace, but is it possible to turn back from a path the Jedi were never meant to walk? Post-Clone Wars AU
1. Prologue

Going Back

By: Katerinaki

Published: March 28, 2015

Beta'ed: No

Notes: This is a Star Wars, Post-Clone Wars AU that I've been sitting on. Hope you enjoy.

Prologue:

War ravages the galaxy. Both sides have raised their armies and innocents are caught in the crossfire.

The GRAND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC finds itself in need of Generals and the Jedi, once guardians of the Republic, are forced into action.

For the once keepers of the peace, it is a step away from all they have ever known, down a path the Jedi were never meant to walk…


	2. Chapter 1

Going Back

By: Katerinaki

Published: March 28, 2015

Beta'ed: No

Notes: This is a Star Wars, Post-Clone Wars AU that I've been sitting on. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1:

The Force rumbled a warning just before Kelreen dived out of the way of an incoming hailfire droid's missile. She deactivated her lightsaber as she hit the hard, dry ground and rolled with the concussion from the blast, but was back on her feet the next instant, green blade up and deflecting red blaster bolts that came too close to her body.

"You alright, Paddy?" the trooper to her right asked, his voice barely audible through his helmet and over the familiar, repetitive discharges from his blaster rifle.

"I'm fine, Hoot," Kelreen shouted, her lightsaber flashing up to catch a bolt that would've taken off her head. "We need to push on. Master Vos is expecting us to take this ridge."

"Yes, sir!" Hoot replied, firing off a rapid string of shots as he drove forward. They'd been trying to take this ridge for the last two hours. It was critical to their siege of the Separatists' Morguaki cloning facility here on Saleucami. Master Vos had staged two other battles simultaneously around the rim of the caldera in an attempt to draw droids and Morgukai warriors around the perimeter. Every soldier and every meter counted in this desperate struggle.

Kelreen stepped up as one of the Morgukai clones charged her, drawn to her green lightsaber like an Alderaanian moth to flames. She ducked the swipe with the Morgukai's vibroshiv and stepped inside his defense, bringing her lightsaber down in a quick cut to the Morgukai's shoulder. The clone growled in pain and anger, lashing out with a vicious swipe. The Morgukai, orange-skinned Nikto warriors, were all well trained by Anzati assassins who were some of the best in the galaxy. The Morgukai were a match for many _Jedi_, which made it all the more imperative that they take the rim quickly and shut down the cloning facility. Clones could handle battle droids with Jedi assistance, but the Morgukai could tip the scale, if the Separatists were allowed to continue.

Kelreen ducked again and dodged left as a blaster bolt flew past the Morgukai, hitting the rocks where she'd just stood. Her toes clenched in her boots as if she could somehow better grip the arid soil through the thick soles. She brought her lightsaber up, blocking a follow-through stroke, the green laser blade crackling against the cortosis. Almost immediately she was forced to parry again, and again. Her steps shuffled, trying to maintain her base on the rocky slope. She raised her saber again, parrying an overhead attack. With the lower ground and the strength and ferocity behind the blow, Kelreen's boot slid, throwing her off balance, down on one knee. Again, she felt the Force rumble in a distinct, immediate warning and Kelreen tried to throw up a desperate block for the inevitable downward strike.

Out of the corner of her eye there was a flash of blue, and the attack that would've cleaved her in two never fell, abruptly halted by a glowing blue blade. In one, quick flick the blade stripped the Morgukai's vibroshiv and lashed out, dealing a fatal blow right across the exposed neck. The head of the Morgukai preceded the body as it crumbled and lie still. A rough, weathered hand reached out and Kelreen took it, hauling herself back to her feet.

"Thank you, Master."

"You can't stay out of trouble can you, Padawan?" The wind and sun beaten face of Master T'Bolton _looked_ serious, but Kelreen caught the slight twitch at the edge of his thin mouth and light crinkle near the corner of his eyes. He was a Lorrdian. Body language was important to him, and Kelreen knew how to read his.

"Trouble always finds _me,_ Master," she replied, grinning and sweeping stray pieces of dark hair off her face.

"Mhm," Master T'Bolton murmured, raising an eyebrow as if to say 'Is that so?'

"I am a model Padawan, Master," Kelreen insisted.

Master T'Bolton's lightsaber flickered up, batting away a stray blaster bolt.

"Focus, Padawan," he admonished. "I would hate to have to make the long flight back to Coruscant for another 'model Padawan'."

"Yes, Master," Kelreen replied, bringing her lightsaber to bear in a more ready pose.

"We need to flank them. Take your squad up the left side. I'll keep them busy here."

"Yes, Master." Kelreen ducked another stray bolt as she connected her wrist comlink to the squad frequency. "Gills, Wick, Stak, Hoot, Razor, form up my location, five minutes. Copy?"

"Copy, sir," echoed back five different times.

Kelreen slipped back into the bulbous trees, pulling her hood up over her dark hair, the dark brown cloak blending with the lengthening shadows. She was already overheated; Saleucami's dry, arid climate sapped strength faster than fighting did. Her palms were sweaty on her lightsaber's metal hilt, her tunic was quickly becoming part of her tan skin, and the slightly too large pieces of plastoid armor she wore under her robe were cutting at her neck and wrists.

But more than any of that was the deep weariness in her bones and muscles, with Saleucami, with this war, with fighting in general. She and Master T'Bolton had been stationed on Saleucami for just under a month, but they'd been fighting in this war for the past three years, ever since the Battle of Geonosis that started it all. And in that time, Kelreen could count on one hand how many times they'd been home, to the Jedi Temple. It was very different from her time as an initiate or even the first year of her padawanship. Some part of her wished to go back to that time, when she was only focused on her lessons. She didn't have to worry about war then.

Less than five minutes after slipping back into the trees, a squad of five clone troopers joined her. They were part of her squad, but as the battle had stretched on they'd gotten stretched out.

"Hello there, Paddy," Hoot greeted her. "You seem to be in one piece still. Got the better of that Morgukai?"

"No, Master T'Bolton saved me, again."

"What's the plan, Paddy?" Razor asked. Her squad called her 'Paddy'. It was a nickname, just like all of their names. Gills was their best underwater operative. Wick was their demolitions expert. Hoot was their comms specialist. Paddy was a reference to Master T'Bolton's habit of calling Kelreen 'Padawan'. Many Jedi Masters did it. When they wanted to remind a student of their place and the need for humility, it was often 'my _young_ padawan'. But many times it was a term of affection or endearment. For Jedi, 'my padawan' was synonymous with 'my son' or 'my daughter'.

The troopers just liked to joke about it, pretending that Master T'Bolton didn't actually _know_ her name and so just called her 'Padawan'. That had quickly been shortened to 'Paddy'. It was _their_ term of affection.

"Master T'Bolton wants us to flank them, catch them off guard. We need to take this ridge before we lose the sun."

"Alright, let's make some scrap," Stak replied, slamming a new power pack into his rifle.

The troopers of Kelreen's team were special. They were Advanced Recon Force Troopers, ARF Troopers. Stealth was their specialty. Each wore camouflaged armor that blended among the trees better than Kelreen's Jedi robes. They moved quietly and fanned out, not to the point that they could not provide support to each other, but it would be harder to spot them. Kelreen was on point as they slipped around, flanking the main Separatist force. The droids would be in for a surprise. As they slipped around the edge of the caldera, a tall, fiery tower grew up over the treetops accompanied by an almost deafening blast. Kelreen hoped it was Master T'Bolton's distraction. She checked his emotions surreptitiously through their bond and was relieved to find triumph, rather than pain or worse, nothing. Just like it was a Master's job to teach the padawan, it was the padawan's job to protect and look after the Master.

"Keep moving," Kelreen signaled. Just through the trees they could see battle droids, stationed around some sort of command hub. To their backs was a very long fall, into the caldera. The squad fanned out, sizing up the target. Kelreen counted three commanders and a handful of captains milling about, talking in their grating metallic voices.

"I have ten total," Wick murmured, looking through his electrobinoculars from behind the tree to Kelreen's left.

"I agree," Kelreen replied. "We'll focus there. If they can't give orders, it will be easier to destroy the rest."

"Yes, sir," Wick agreed. He signaled to the other troopers down the line, passing on the plan silently. At this point if they were heard or spotted, the offensive would fail. The droids could very easily back them off the edge of the caldera. Kelreen checked the Force, making sure there were no warnings she'd missed, but all she felt was the same general warning that had been present since even _before_ the start of the war. She held up her hand and gave the 'go' sign.

The aftermath of a battle is many times as difficult as the battle itself. You are weary, and yet, there is no time to rest. Reports must be given, remnants flushed out, and dead buried. Especially the dead. Kelreen understood the need to take Saleucami. It was one of the "Triad of Evil" with Felucia and Mygeeto. Saleucami was the Techno Union world. If they could take it, the Republic could strike a devastating blow to the Separatists.

But during the aftermath of each battle, Kelreen walked over the fields and each fallen trooper was another weight on her heart. It wasn't fair. The Separatists lost nothing. More battle droids could be made in hundreds of factories across the galaxy. Kelreen heard they'd even been recycling the scrap metal from battles. The Republic lost lives. Each time, the list of names grew longer. They'd already lost Commander Ponds. Kelreen would have to add Hoot to that list. He'd been shot down by a destroyer just after they'd taken the command hub. Their squad was quickly shrinking, and Hoot wasn't the only life lost during this battle.

As she made her way back through the battlefield, Kelreen was able to pick out the tall form of her Master. He'd lost his robe at some point and stood with weary shoulders in battered, sooty armor and tunics with his normally tame hair askew. He spoke with Commander Neyo, the clone marshal commander in charge of the 91st Reconnaissance, their corps. Beside him stood Master Quinlan Vos, Master Rancisis's second-in-command and the Jedi General in charge of their sector.

"Masters," Kelreen greeted Master T'Bolton and Master Quin. "Commander Neyo."

"Padawan." Master T'Bolton placed a hand on her shoulder. "You did very well. It would have been a very long and drawn out night if you hadn't been able to destroy their command post."

Kelreen bowed her head. "Thank you, Master."

"Didn't I tell you she'd make a good padawan, T'Bolton?" Master Quin joked.

"You did indeed. I suppose you can be right _occasionally_, Quin."

Kelreen grinned as Master Quin looked indignant. She liked Master Quin. He was her second cousin, on her father's side, but even if they hadn't been distantly related, Kelreen was sure that they would've had a good relationship. As a fellow Kiffar, Master Quin had taken her under his wing when she was younger and still a Temple initiate. He'd been in and out of the Temple throughout the time, but while he was there he always made time to help her with her psychometric abilities, abilities that many Kiffar Jedi inherit. Master Quin had been the one to introduce her to Master T'Bolton, when he'd been back to the Temple and looking for his first padawan.

"How goes it elsewhere?" Kelreen asked.

"We've managed to establish ourselves around the rim of the caldera," Master Quin told her. "I've just been talking to Master T'Bolton and _Neyo_ here about the possibility of a few reconnaissance treks, now that we can get _into _the caldera. We need to figure out how to bring down their shield generator."

"When do we go?"

"Tomorrow night," Master T'Bolton said. "Tonight, everyone needs to rest." He turned to Master Quin. "Will you join us for meditation this evening?"

Master Quin looked to Kelreen. "I will_ try_," he said. "Master Rancisis has me running all around this kriffing caldera. We are worried that comlink signals are being intercepted. Choose your words carefully."

"We always do," Master T'Bolton replied. He dipped his head respectfully and Kelreen followed suit.

"T'Bolton, Kelreen, _Neyo_." Master Quin left, jogging towards the swoop he was using to get to each established base. He shot a wink over his shoulder just before flying off.

Kelreen turned to Commander Neyo. "I'm sorry, Commander," she apologized. "I never understood why Master Quin doesn't like clones."

"You don't have to apologize for him, sir," Neyo replied. "We don't like him either." The commander smirked, mimicking Master Quin's parting wink a little _too _accurately. Kelreen couldn't help her own grin.

"Let's get this place organized, Neyo," Master T'Bolton spoke up. "We need to be ready in case of a counterstrike."

"Master Tholme has been able to locate the shield generator and is working on a possible way to destroy it."

The news Master Quin brought to the command briefing was most welcome. With the shields still up around the cloning facility, the siege had been brought to a stalemate. Republic forces surrounded the Separatists' citadel, effectively blocking Separatist movements. But the Republic forces could not storm the citadel without great loss of life unless they had heavy artillery, which the Separatists' shield effectively blocked.

"How long does Master Tholme expect it would take to bring the shield down?" asked Knight A'Sharad Hett. Knight Hett was the only Tusken Raider knight in the Order and wore a mask over his face because the Tuskens believed it the height of dishonor to reveal their faces, even to family and close friends. It made it difficult to know when Knight Hett was being serious or when he was just being sarcastic.

"At this point that is uncertain still," Master Quin replied. "The generator is naturally heavily guarded. It will take time for Master Tholme to gain the necessary access. In the meantime, he will continue to sabotage the Morgukai cloning facility in an attempt to disrupt production and at least limit their numbers."

The rest of the command briefing was short and bittersweet. Master Rancisis declared they were now in good position to take the base, but would have to wait until the shield could be brought down.

"We will need the heavy cannons if we are to take the citadel with minimal losses."

By the time Kelreen left the briefing with Master T'Bolton, she no longer felt hopeful for a swift end to the siege. If anything, it felt like they would be stuck on Saleucami with no end in sight.

"What is on your mind, Padawan?"

Kelreen's attention was drawn upwards to her Master's concerned face.

"I'm just…worried, Master."

T'Bolton raised an eyebrow, questioning.

"The longer the siege lasts, the more we will lose. I—I know Jedi are not supposed to have attachments, but—"

"Do not confuse attachment with _compassion_, Padawan. Compassion for all life is essential to a Jedi. To feel for the loss of life is not against the Jedi Code."

"Yes, Master," Kelreen nodded.

"But Jedi do not let that loss consume them and influence their actions and thoughts. That is the path to the dark side. Rather, a Jedi feels and then releases the emotions into the Force. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master."

"You are not alone in your concerns either, Padawan. They are present in every Jedi's mind. In mine, in Master Tholme's, Master Quin's, Master Rancisis's. We are always trying to find ways to prevent needless slaughter and end this war as quickly as possible."

"Yes, Master."

"Master Tholme will have the shield down quickly, and Master Rancisis will not order an attack until it is done."

Master T'Bolton's wrist comlink signaled. "T'Bolton."

"Sir, our reconnaissance teams have reported a large number of hostiles moving towards our position." Neyo's voice crackled through the comlink.

"Droids?"

"Negative, sir. Morgukai, in numbers that have not been dealt with before. We believe they may be planning to strike all strongholds on the caldera rim."

"Prepare for battle as quickly and quietly as you can, Neyo. I will be there as quickly as possible. T'Bolton, out."

As soon as he had cut the comm, Master T'Bolton was turning toward Kelreen.

"Padawan, I need you to run back to the command center and report everything Neyo just said to Master Rancisis and Master Vos. It's not safe to use the comms system again. Do you understand?" he asked with urgency Kelreen hadn't seen in him before.

"Yes, Master."

"As soon as you have completed your task, join me on the rim. Go!"

Kelreen turned and took off back the way they had just come, legs pumping, cloak flaring out behind her like a pair of dark wings. But rather than give her speed, her cloak just dragged on the flora and she shrugged it off in midstride in favor of speed. If she survived this attack, she'd come back for it.

Kelreen burst into the command outpost where Master Rancisis and Master Quin were bending over a holomap of the caldera with the Separatist citadel.

"We're under attack!" Kelreen burst out.

Masters Quin and Rancisis both looked up as she stumbled to a halt, using the edge of the projector to keep herself from landing on her face. Master Quin was the first to reach her.

"Slow down, Padawan. What's going on?"

"Neyo, from Master T'Bolton and my reconnaissance corps, reported Morgukai troops heading for the rim bases. Massive numbers."

"They confirmed it?" Master Rancisis asked, his tone as calm as ever.

"Yes, Master," Kelreen replied.

"Then we have little time." Master Rancisis moved past her and out of the map room, heading for his meditation space. Master Rancisis was famous for his battle meditations and he was a brilliant strategist. He would be able to get them through this.

Kelreen spun and head for the door again. She had to get to Master T'Bolton on the rim. He'd need all the help he could get. Morgukai were deadly, and an _army_ of them could very easily overrun their base. And if their base was overrun… Fear clenched at her heart. She couldn't lose Master T'Bolton. She had to get there!

"Kelreen, stop!"

"I have to get back to Master T'Bolton. He _told_ me to go to the rim as soon as I delivered the message. He needs my help!" she insisted frantically. Even now as she stood talking to Master Quin, the Morgukai could have her Master overwhelmed.

"Padawan, focus." His tone made her stop automatically. It was the authoritative tone of a Master, one that brooked no argument, only obedience. From the beginning of her time in the Temple crèche Kelreen had learned to be obedient to Knights and Masters of the Jedi Order. But Master Quin rarely ever used a tone like this. Not with her.

"If you go out there in your current emotional state you will get yourself _killed_," Master Quin told her. "Focus." He set two fingers on her forehead, just over the green line across her brow that symbolized the Nayqus clan. It was something he'd done when she was still young and had been flustered for a sparring tournament. It was a reminder that her mind needed to be centered before a fight. "Fight with this, Kelreen," he'd told her. "There is no emotion, there is peace."

Even now, the gesture miraculously centered her just as it had back then. She felt the Force wash over her, rippling and surging around her as the battle all around the rim began. But she did not allow herself to get caught up in the tumult; rather she held her ground, an island of calm amidst tossing waves.

"Go to your Master now, Kelreen," Master Quin spoke. "And remember the Code. Especially in times like this."

"Yes, Master."

They parted ways and Kelreen began the trek up to the rim. Her footsteps were quickened as she heard the unmistakable sound of blaster fire, but her mind held none of the franticness. Her legs pumped and her lungs sucked in the now cooler night air. Her lightsaber had found its way into her palm before she'd even left the command center behind. The sounds of the battle grew closer and Kelreen picked up her pace. The fierce snarls of the Morgukai and the clipped communications of the clones rose into the night, and above it all the cries of pain echoed out over the caldera, each one a step closer to victory or defeat.

Kelreen spotted the fight just at the edge of the rim, near a spread of the same bulbous trees Kelreen and her squad had used for cover only a few days ago. The Morgukai had used them too, as a way to sneak up on the troopers. It seemed the Force had been with the Republic when the reconnaissance squad had spotted the imminent attack. Without even that small warning, the Republic forces would have been decimated.

As it was, the clones were having difficulty. Kelreen could see they were giving up ground. Master T'Bolton's lightsaber flashed a blue beacon in the thickest of the fighting near the caldera edge. Kelreen ran for that beacon, knowing it was where she could do the most good. She threw herself into the fray, green lightsaber darting this way and that, rhythmically and methodically aiming for Morgukai heads and necks and any other potential weak points in their armor. As Kelreen fought, her mind stayed blank, only acting and reacting. Her body was tired; it was late in the night. But that no longer mattered as she dealt blow after blow, fighting offensively in hopes of dispatching each enemy quickly and moving on to the next. The Force coursed around and through her, lending her exhausted body strength.

Kelreen never fought so hard in her life. Each opponent was so skilled; it was only a matter of time before one blow got through. Kelreen didn't even see the Morgukai behind her, and she only sensed the warning surge just as the blow fell.

"Kelreen!" The Force shoved her out of the way of the Morgukai electrostaff. Kelreen tried to roll with the unexpected Force-push that could only have come from Master T'Bolton. She lurched to her feet, turning to her Master who had been facing three Morgukai at once, just near the edge. He had been holding his own, but the Morgukai capitalized on the distraction. They surged forward at once and overpowered Master T'Bolton. Kelreen's eyes widened in horror as she saw the blow of a vibroaxe fall and her Master, the man who had been the closest thing she had to a father, was rent open from shoulder to navel. He staggered backwards, eyes wide with pain and surprise and fell off the edge of the rim, disappearing from view.

Someone screamed. Kelreen's head split open, like someone had chopped _her_ in half with a vibroaxe. The pain tore through her and she staggered, desperately trying to see through eyes that didn't want to work. Her vision narrowed as her mind finally managed to focus on just one thing. _Killing_ all the Morgukai. She leapt forward, using the rising Force to assist her kick. She landed it square in the chest of the central Morgukai, sending it flying off the rim just like her Master had only brief seconds before. It screamed the entire way down, but Kelreen didn't hear it. She was already decapitating its brother and then moving on to the next, severing the third's hand in a quick blow, and then using the Force to sweep it off the edge as well. She paused, watching the body fall, flailing as if somehow it could sprout wings and fly away from the inevitable impact. It hit one of the trees before the ground, but that wasn't going to make any difference. Kelreen felt the brief satisfaction that her Master's killers were dead. Now for the rest.

Another in the seemingly endless line of Morgukai clones charged her. Kelreen raised her lightsaber. Each Morgukai that attacked her, she battered out of the way. It was _child's play_ now. No Morgukai stood a chance against her as Kelreen slashed and hacked her way through the Separatist ranks, taking no more than a few seconds with each that fell to her blade. Each time another one fell, she felt the satisfaction of knowing that there was one less despicable creature that would kill her troopers and threaten the lives of her fellow Jedi and friends. She felt powerful, drawing on the Force as she'd never done before. She felt like she could take on Grievous, or Asajj Ventress, or even Count Dooku himself.

"Sir! The Separatists are falling back. What are your orders?" asked Commander Neyo. Indeed the Morgukai forces were retreating back into the caldera.

"Follow them!" Kelreen ordered. "Don't let them escape!"

"Yes, sir," Neyo replied, turning and barking orders into his helmet comlink. Troopers formed up into squads and pushed after the retreating Morgukai, peppering them with blaster fire and taking some with their backs turned. Kelreen led her usual squad with Gills, Stak, Razor, and Wick, now only four troopers. They fell in among the other squads, pursuing the bulk of the Separatist forces as they tried to scramble back down the caldera walls. They fired down on the Morgukai, occupied with trying to make the climb in the dark and unable to defend themselves from above.

"Focus your fire on the main body," Kelreen ordered. "Neyo, have the snipers pick off the ones that make it to the caldera floor."

It was a massacre. If any Morgukai made it down into the caldera, Neyo's snipers shot them down where they stood. The floor of the caldera was littered with bodies, as was the ridge where the stronghold had stood. When Kelreen was certain the clones had the situation at the rim in hand, she returned to the base.

The bodies of clone troopers littered the battlefield, standing out in the moonlight with their white plastoid armor. The battle had been a success, but there had been heavy losses. The pain in Kelreen's head and chest flared in reminder of just _how_ heavy a loss they had sustained. Master T'Bolton was dead. She'd allowed herself to become distracted and in doing so had forced him to save her. He'd taken the blow because of her. He'd _died_, because she hadn't been focused. The frayed edges of the tattered training bond remained in her mind, an open wound worse than any cut she'd sustained in the war thus far. It bled pain and sorrow into her heart as well as anger at those who had been responsible. She'd killed them. She'd sent them tumbling over the cliff too, but it wasn't enough. They hadn't _paid_ enough for what they'd done, taking her Master from her. Kelreen wanted to throw them off the cliff again.

Her anger surged and she felt the strength that she had had during the battle. It permeated through her weary muscles, renewing her, fueling her resolve. Kelreen knew, somewhere in her mind that this was wrong. She was a Jedi; she shouldn't be feeling anger towards the Morgukai. They fought for their side, just as the clones fought for the Republic. War made them enemies, but they were still beings. She shouldn't be feeling satisfied that they had been destroyed so utterly. But that didn't change the fact that she was. It didn't change that she had taken pleasure in killing the Morgukai who had killed Master T'Bolton. Kelreen didn't know _what_ to feel.

Kelreen knelt by one clone she sensed wasn't quite dead. He held on, but the wound to his abdomen was obviously fatal. Kelreen felt his pain and tried to use the Force to ease his passing. It was difficult to call on peace when she felt so conflicted herself. As Kelreen tried to regain her focus, she missed the quiet footsteps behind her.

A lone Morgukai straggler hadn't retreated with his brothers to be picked off by the remaining clones. Instead he gripped his vibroaxe in hand and slowly picked through the littering of clone and Morgukai corpses, intent on the figure of the Jedi, crouched over the body of an injured clone. Her eyes were closed; now was his time.

Kelreen sensed the warning and brought her lightsaber up to block the blow just in time to keep her head on her shoulders. She rolled out of the way and onto her feet, facing the Morgukai that had lingered. It snarled at her, taunting her into attacking. Kelreen grimaced back just before swinging her lightsaber in a low sweep meant to take out the Morgukai's kneecaps. It leapt out of the way, spinning and gaining momentum for another stroke. Kelreen ducked, spinning inside, intent on running the Morgukai through. But her foot caught on a stray blaster that had been left on the field. The blaster went off as she stumbled, shooting a bolt that flew away harmlessly, startling her and making her hesitate. It was only a split second, but it was just enough time for the Morgukai to land a blow to her shoulder. The vibroaxe fell with such force that the plastoid armor was unable to stand up to the attack. The blade pierced through and cut into her shoulder. Kelreen heard a sickening crack that seemed to echo over the otherwise still battlefield. Her legs buckled under the force, driving her to her knees, absorbing some of the blow. More pain shot through her arm and torso, joining with the pain in her head and chest, as they impacted the ground. It overwhelmed her and Kelreen only saw a flash of blue.

Kelreen had been injured before. She'd been shot more times than she'd care to admit. She remembered accidentally being hit in a spar with another padawan. That scar was still visible on her upper arm, just below the Nayqus triangle. Each time, she'd woken up in the Jedi Temple Hall of Healing, either with her crèche master, or more recently with Master T'Bolton, sitting by her bed and waiting a bit anxiously.

This time was different. She didn't wake up in the Jedi Temple this time. And the face she saw at her bedside was not the weathered visage of her Master. Instead, she stared up at a durasteel ceiling and looking back at her was the tan face of Master Quin, his yellow clan tattoos cutting across his cheeks and nose.

"Kelreen," he spoke softly, "How do you feel?"

Horrible. Her shoulder was on fire, her body felt stiff, and she had a bantha-sized headache.

But worst of all, something was wrong. Something was changed in the Force. Some ripples had been created and were rolling towards her.

"Where am I? What happened?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"You are aboard the _Integrity._ You took a vibroaxe to the shoulder. Your armor took most of the damage. If you hadn't been wearing it, you likely would've been killed. As it is, your collarbone is shattered and you will have a very big scar."

That wasn't all. Something was missing. It hung in the air between them, but Kelreen was afraid to ask and Master Quin seemed hesitant to tell. But she had to know, or rather, she had to confirm what she thought she might already have felt.

"Where is Master T'Bolton?"

She saw the answer before she heard the reply. But it did nothing to lessen the shock. "One with the Force."

She'd known. In the back of her mind, she'd known before she'd even asked. As soon as she'd woken up, she'd remembered. The Force-push, the surprised expression as Master T'Bolton was slashed across the chest, the few brief seconds he'd looked to her before tumbling off the edge of the caldera rim. Those ripples she'd felt, they stemmed from the vacuum that had suddenly been created where her Master-Padawan bond had been. It was severed before its time and the ragged edges remained in her mind, like flayed nerve-endings in an open wound. They caused her pain and were largely the origin of her headache.

She remembered what had happened afterwards too and shame crept into her heart. She'd given in. She'd given in to the pain and the anger. She'd let her feelings overwhelm her. She'd killed those Morgukai in anger and had urged her troops to kill those who were defenseless and trying to escape. That was also some of the ripples. She'd dipped her finger into the dark side and now it tried to insinuate itself into her mind as a dark shadow, wrapping around the old bond and the memories of that battle and the anguish she'd felt at the loss. Guilt slammed into her. Not only had she failed to protect Master T'Bolton, but she'd failed in his teachings too. She'd dishonored his memory in killing the Morgukai with such brutality and vigor. She didn't _deserve_ to call him her Master any longer.

"_Anger leads to hate."_ Master Yoda's voice echoed in her mind. He'd told her before, when she was just an initiate still and had fought with another padawan after he'd made fun of her for her clan tattoos. He'd called them stupid and ugly and she'd lashed out at him in her rage.

_"We must not give into our anger, Padawan. First we are Jedi. Always, we fight with serenity. _Never_ in anger."_ She could hear his voice, as if he stood right next to her, lecturing her again. Master T'Bolton had told her the same thing so many times. It was so easy to get caught up in the whole war. She heard the troopers talking about revenge, about settling scores with the Seps. Master T'Bolton constantly reminded her that they were Jedi. They fought for peace. Kelreen could hear the words so clearly in her mind. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine Master T'Bolton standing next to her.

"I've been in contact with the Jedi Council," Master Quin told her. "I have been assigned Master Rancisis's command, and you will return to Coruscant."

"Wait, what happened to Master Rancisis?"

Master Quin looked down solemnly and again, Kelreen knew.

"Who else was lost?"

"Durnar, Xeltek, and Ausar Auset. The attack was a diversion. Sora Bulq used it to infiltrate the command post. He murdered Master Rancisis, and the troops that were left guarding him."

Her anger flared. _Murder_. Sora Bulq, once a Jedi, _murdered_ all of them. And worse yet, the battle had been a diversion. Master T'Bolton's sacrifice had been for nothing.

"I can't leave," she said firmly.

"Kelreen, you are severely injured. You can't fight until you have healed."

"I've been trained to use both hands, Master, you know that. You need my help. The cloning facility's shields are still up and even now they are amassing another Morgukai army!" Kelreen tried to get up. She had to prove that she could still move, still fight. Her shoulder hurt, but what was a bit of pain when troopers were out even now, fighting and dying for the Republic? She couldn't give up. Not when her Master had—

"Kelreen, no, don't move," Master Quin insisted, rising to his feet as she struggled to sit up. "All you will do is injure yourself further. You need to rest and return to the Jedi Temple."

"No!" She tried to push upright, but pain lanced through her shoulder and she shifted more weight to her uninjured side. Kelreen gritted her teeth and pushed through it. Master T'Bolton would've pushed through it. Master T'Bolton would've done it for the Republic, for all the people it represented. He would've done it to end this war, and for the troopers so that _they_ could know peace for once in their short lives. Master T'Bolton would _not_ have given up!

"Kelreen don't! You'll undo all the work the medics have already done. Kelreen!"

She ignored him. She could do it. She was strong enough. And once she was on her feet, she'd return to Saleucami and lead her troops to a victory over the Separatists.

"Padawan."

Kelreen froze. That wasn't Master Quin's voice. She turned her head with much pain to look to the entrance of the medical bay. She recognized the face. She'd seen it before, first at the Temple, and then all across the Holonet. But even _before_ the war, he was famous among the Jedi. The only Jedi to kill a Sith in a millennium.

Master Obi-Wan Kenobi of the Jedi High Council stood in the doorway, arms crossed, blue-grey eyes blazing. But what was Master Kenobi doing at Saleucami? He wasn't stationed there.

"Quin."

It took Kelreen an extra moment to realize Master Kenobi was _not_ talking to her, but to Master Quinlan, who had moved up to the other side of her bed.

"Lay back down, Kelreen," he said softly, placing a hand on her uninjured shoulder and guiding her back down. Kelreen felt the weight of the Force behind his words and any other time she would've fought the suggestion. She was so tired, though, and her whole body hurt at this point, not just her shoulder and her head. But more than anything, the deep feeling of loss was resonating in her heart and mind. Her determination had overridden it at first, but now that stubbornness was cowed and it opened her to the gaping hole left by the loss of her Master and the sudden severing of their training bond. As she let Master Quin guide her back onto the bed, all of the ripples suddenly crashed down upon her with the force of a tsunami. Master T'Bolton was _gone_. She was alone, an orphaned Padawan.

Her eyes stung and watered. Kelreen tried to hold them back; she couldn't cry in front of Master Quin and Master Kenobi. Crying was not the Jedi way. _There is no emotion, there is peace_. But if there was no emotion, then why did this _hurt_ so much more than the wound from the vibroaxe?

"Sleep, Kelreen," Master Quin suggested, placing his hand over her forehead. "You are safe. All you can do now is sleep, heal."

Her eyes grew heavy and she blinked a few times, the excess water in her eyes flowing down her cheeks.

"Sleep."


	3. Chapter 2

Going Back

By: Katerinaki

Published: April 2, 2015

Beta'ed: No

Notes: Thank you to those who read and reviewed the first chapter. Here is another that I hope you'll enjoy. One reviewer hoped to see more Obi-Wan and I can promise you won't be disappointed in this chapter.

Chapter 2:

"Hya!" Kelreen shouted as she dealt the final blow to yet another training droid, number twenty of twenty. There wasn't a scratch on her, but the same could not be said of the droids. They littered the training salle, fit for no more than scrap now. Had she really destroyed that many? And so _thoroughly_?

Yes, she had. It was the only way she could clear her mind anymore. Kelreen had been unable to sit for meditation in months. But there was nothing like fighting droids and dodging blaster bolts to make everything simple. Turn them into scrap before they do the same to you. But now they littered the floor and the peace Kelreen had found in the mindlessness of the battle was quickly fading. The same ache gripped her chest. The same vacuum pulled at her mind, swallowing up what harmony and contentment she had been able to cling to in the fight. It was like a black hole greedily swallowing all light within her, threatening to take her whole and make her nothing, like it.

She'd been to a mind healer. When her ship had arrived at Coruscant she'd been transferred from the ship's medical bay to the Halls of Healing in the Jedi Temple. With Master Stass Allie, her body mended itself. Her shoulder would always be stiffer and Master Allie said she might experience some aches and pain in cold, but at least she still had use of her arm. Her mind was not so easily fixed. She'd been mercifully unconscious for the majority of the psychic backlash of the Master-Padawan bond's severance. The initial pain she felt had likely been Master T'Bolton's as he hit the bottom of the caldera. The full severance had occurred after she'd already been injured. But the after-shocks were still there and the emptiness was a deeper scar than any she had ever received, even during that one sparring incident.

It had been six months since then. So much had happened while Kelreen healed and completed her therapy to bring her shoulder back up to its previous conditioning. Grievous had kidnapped the Chancellor and attacked Coruscant but his plans were thwarted and Dooku had been killed by Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One. Not long after, Master Kenobi faced Grievous on Utapau and destroyed him. With the Separatist forces leaderless, the war was over, except for a few holdout worlds in the Outer Rim.

Not that any of it mattered to Kelreen now. She was stuck at the Temple. Each day she had lessons with other padawans left Master-less. Every so often she had a mind healing session. She trained like she had when she was just an initiate, in a group under various teachers and battle-masters. She was left to her own devices, given space and time to heal. Her training was maintained, but for the most part put on hold. It would stay that way too, until she was able to meditate and find her center on her own. No Master would take a broken Padawan, even if there were any Masters available to train an apprentice well into her training. And Kelreen was well and truly broken.

Nothing left to fight, Kelreen called out the clean-up droids and opted to stay and help them. The alternative was to go back to her quarters and do work for her Temple lessons.

"Reduced to manual labor?"

Kelreen spun with a droid head in one hand and her lightsaber in the other. She hadn't heard that familiar voice in months and she was embarrassed that she hadn't been at her best the last time.

"Hello, Master Vos."

Quinlan Vos shoved off the wall he'd been leaning against, the small smile on his face falling. "Master Vos? Since when have I been 'Master Vos'? Are you alright, Kelreen?"

"Yes, Master," she said, turning back to pick up more droid parts.

Master Quin's footsteps approached, but Kelreen didn't turn around. She didn't want to look him in the eye. Master Quin had always been able to see right through her. If she looked him in the eye…

"Kelreen, look at me."

She continued picking up droid parts. "I have to clean up here, Master Vos."

"Kelreen—"

"It's simple courtesy, Master Vos."

"Kelreen!"

"Master Vos—"

"Enough with the 'Master Vos'! What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing has—"

"It's against the Code to lie, _Padawan Nayqus_."

Kelreen winced. That hurt. He was angry with her. He'd never spoken to her so formally, not even in the presence of Jedi Council members or foreign dignitaries. "I know," she whispered.

"Then why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying, Master."

"But you _are_ avoiding me. Put the droid parts down, Kelreen. That's what the sweeps are for."

With a sigh Kelreen put the bits of droid she'd picked up in the bin and turned to face Master Quin where he stood with his arms folded across his chest, a stern look crinkling his yellow Clan Vos tattoos. His sharp eyes immediately caught the signs that others missed because they saw them every day. Her skin was a paler shade, making her green Nayqus tattoos stand out on her brow, nose, and cheeks. There were dark circles under her bloodshot eyes and harder lines framed her jaw and cheeks. As she stood before him her shoulders slumped wearily. This was not the Kelreen he knew.

"Oh, _Padawan_," Master Quin sighed, his whole demeanor relaxing. His expression was no longer stern but concerned as his hands fell from his chest. They reached out as if to cup her cheeks, but settled instead on her thin shoulders.

"I'm fine, Quin," Kelreen insisted.

"No, you're not. When was the last time you slept? Or ate something?"

"I haven't been hungry. And…I will admit that it has been difficult to sleep."

"You have been seeing a mind healer? And meditating?"

"Yes, though I have been unable to meditate without help. It seems like the only time I can clear my mind is when I'm fighting." She indicated the twisted chunks of metal, almost completely gone by now.

Master Quin was worried. She knew _him_ well enough to recognize it. "What about your psychometry? Your connection to the Force?"

Kelreen blinked. She hadn't been using her psychometry at all, even before Saleucami. It was just too painful, especially after a battle. She'd pick up a fallen blaster rifle and see the memories of a fallen trooper, from his training on Kamino all the way to his death. She'd avoided touching anything of Master T'Bolton's upon her return to the Temple, for fear of accidentally seeing something on his possessions. She'd moved to padawan quarters and a service droid had cleaned out Master T'Bolton's few things. She didn't want any more reminders. The scar in her mind was enough.

"I haven't used it," she replied truthfully. "I haven't used it since Kamino. It just got too…hard."

Master Quin seemed to understand what she meant, even if she wasn't able to put it into any better terms. He didn't ask any more questions, only studied her face for a moment longer before nodding.

"Come," he said, his tone taking back its lighter quality Kelreen was more familiar with, "have a meal with me. Space travel makes me hungry and I'm tired of field rations."

Kelreen recognized an out when she heard one. "Of course, Quin."

It had been a long clean up, first on Saleucami and then on Boz Pity. Even with most of the droid armies leaderless, and therefore worthless, there were still pockets of Separatists who just refused to believe the war was over and they had lost. By the time Quin had finished on Boz Pity, General Grievous had been dead for five months and the galaxy was slowly on the mend.

_Very_ slowly.

It was good to be back at the Jedi Temple, though. Through it all, the Jedi Temple had always been home. Even in the darker times when Quin had questioned himself and everything he'd ever known, he could find peace among these long, quiet halls. But as soon as he'd landed he'd known something was wrong. He followed the feeling from the Temple hangar down to the training salles. There he found Kelreen.

Of course she was chopping through droids with methodical precision. At first glance, she seemed much better than last he'd seen her. Kelreen was always good with her blade, and it seemed that the injury she'd sustained hadn't changed that. But it didn't take much observation to realize something was wrong. Her movements had a wild edge to them, like each slash was a desperate grab for something just out of reach. Her green blade chopped and cut, rather than slicing and sweeping. Kelreen had always had such a flowing quality to her saber skills. That quality was overcome by something else.

He'd spoken to her, hoping that maybe it was just lingering healing, or maybe anxiety. He and Kelreen were two of a kind, never wishing to remain idle for long. It'd been six months since Saleucami. That was a long period of time for a Jedi to remain in the Temple. But she'd been so _formal_, refusing to meet his eye. As she made a show of "cleaning up" he could feel the turmoil inside her, like a dark cloud rolling off her. The more she avoided him, the more he wondered how anyone could possibly _miss_ it. He could see the conflict in her eyes, in the drawn, gaunt lines of her face, in the tired rigidity of her movements.

Quin had hoped all those months ago that being at the Temple, with all its many resources at her disposal, would help Kelreen heal. But perhaps the Temple, in this case, was not the best idea. There was too much time to be left alone and the older padawans like Kelreen had a lot of independent study. Quin had known Kelreen since she was a little baby in the Temple Crèche. The worst possible scenario would've been for Kelreen to be left alone after T'Bolton's death. It looked like that is exactly what had happened.

But how could anyone not notice? The disturbance had practically screamed at him as soon as he landed and had only become increasingly more obvious the more he'd spoken to her. Didn't the mind healers and the Jedi Council see? Didn't they care?

He had to bring it before the Council. He would, right after he gave his debriefing.

"…and so all forces have been removed from Boz Pity, with the exception of the small outpost," Quin finished.

"Excellent, Master Vos," Master Windu said. "You have done the galaxy a great service."

"I want the end to this war just as others do," Quin replied.

"Close, the end is. Not many more Separatist holdouts, there are," Master Yoda said. "A well-deserved rest, you have earned."

"Thank you, Master." Quin bowed respectfully. He looked around at the other Council members. A few still used holo-images. Quin's old friend from their padawan years, Obi-Wan Kenobi, was one of them. He was out on some Outer Rim planet on an important mission that the Council was keeping quiet. The details of it, Quin didn't know, but he did know the purpose. Despite the end of the war, the Sith lord was still at large. It fell to Obi-Wan to try to track him alone. He might've had Skywalker, except the "Chosen One" had resigned from the Order and now lived somewhere on Naboo with a certain Senator, now up for election as the new Supreme Chancellor. If you asked Quin, he'd seen it coming a few years ago. But Obi-Wan had taken the loss a little hard. Obi-Wan always said that Anakin was like a brother. The Jedi Master's holo-image "sat" in his empty chair, the only one of the group with his hood up. So he was in a delicate situation. Blast it, Obi-Wan! Quin needed to talk to him!

Yoda and Mace Windu would have to do, though.

"Something more, Master Quinlan?" Yoda asked.

"Yes, Master. I am worried, about a padawan."

Yoda blinked, exchanging a glance with Master Windu.

"You are referring to Padawan Nayqus," Master Windu said.

"I am worried she is having difficulty letting go. It has been six months since Master T'Bolton's death and I know that in that time she has hardly slept, eaten practically nothing, and been unable to meditate."

Yoda frowned. "Serious this situation is. Monitoring it I have been."

"You knew? And you let it go on?" Quin demanded before he remembered who exactly he was talking to. It was difficult reigning in his emotions after allowing them for so long as part of his cover. Master Windu gave him a pointed look but Quin was already bringing himself back under control.

"My help, Kelreen does not need," Yoda said simply. "Let go she must. This only she can do."

"But she's _not_ and it's harming her physically and psychologically."

"What do you propose we do, Master Vos?" Master Windu asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

"She needs a new Master. She needs to finish her training. She needs someone to guide her and something to focus on. I know Kelreen. Letting her remain in this flux will only cause her further harm."

"A candidate you have for Kelreen's new master, hm?" Yoda asked.

Quin opened his mouth to reply, but truthfully nobody came to mind that didn't already have a padawan or too much to do. Kelreen would take time and patience and even though the war was over, not many Jedi had the necessary amounts of both. He could try, but in all likelihood he would be sent out very soon to root out the last of the Separatist forces from the Outer Rim. Kelreen didn't need more war. She needed a master with patience to spare and the time to coax her back from the dark place she was currently in. If Quin knew one thing, it was that he was not the one to turn to for patience. Yoda knew this. The entire _Order_ knew this. But for Kelreen…

"I ask to take Kelreen as my padawan learner."

Already Yoda was shaking his head. "Too close to her you already are. Clouded your judgment would be. Allow this arrangement we cannot."

"We will meditate on this matter, Master Vos," Master Windu assured him. "Padawan Nayqus will not be forgotten."

Well, it had been a long shot anyways. But he'd had to try. Quin wanted to stay and insist they find a solution now so that Kelreen wouldn't be left alone for even one more day. But that was unrealistic and would only serve to aggravate the Council. Instead he bowed respectfully and thanked the Council for their consideration before being dismissed. As he left the quiet Council chamber he couldn't help but feel like he had failed Kelreen. He tried to impress on the masters how important it was for quick action in this matter. Kelreen was killing herself. It was likely only through the Force and her Jedi training that she was still functioning and not confined to bed rest. She was a good padawan and would make a strong Jedi Knight. It would be a great loss to the Order in a time where every Jedi, down to the little initiates in the clans, counted.

By the time he made it to the turbolift, Quin decided he would have to take matters into his own hands. He needed to find Kelreen a master. He'd done it once; surely he could do it again. When it came to Kelreen he had all the strong-minded determination of an aak dog. In the meantime he would do what he could to make sure she took care of herself.

Kelreen was in the Jedi archives, researching yet another obscure Senate decision for her Galactic politics class. She'd never had a mind for politics but ever since the war she'd acknowledged just how much they could affect people, not just in the Republic Core worlds but throughout the entire known galaxy. Now it was just hour after hour of mind-numbing legal drivel that took up her time. Still, she had to keep a singular focus on her research if she was going to keep everything else at bay. She was so focused on the screen of her research station that she didn't even notice her comlink signaling until the Knight at the next station over got up and tapped her on the shoulder and brought the beeping to her attention.

"Nayqus."

"Padawan Nayqus, please report to the High Council chamber," said the smooth voice of the Council's secretary.

"I'm on my way," Kelreen replied, standing from her station and leaving after a brief nod of thanks and apology to the Knight.

The climb to the Council chamber at the top of the central spire went quickly as Kelreen wondered why she was being called before the council and then came to the obvious conclusion. Master Quin had expressed concerns. Now she was going before the Council to be reprimanded for her disregard of the Code; to be asked why she chose to hang onto her attachment to her former master when it was not the Jedi way. The mind healer asked the same question each session, but if Kelreen knew the answer she wouldn't be _going _to the mind healer. A Jedi had no attachments. That was part of the Code. But saying a Jedi had no attachments, and _being_ a Jedi with no attachments were two very different things. Perhaps Kelreen wasn't a good Jedi.

The door of the Council chamber was open when Kelreen arrived and she stepped inside. The room was almost empty except for Master Yoda and Master Windu. Master Yoda sat in his chair while Master Windu stood by the window, turning to face Kelreen as she entered. She walked to the center of the Council chamber and bowed respectfully.

"Masters," she said.

"Padawan Kelreen, thank you for arriving so promptly," Master Windu said. "You have been called here because some concern has been expressed for your welfare."

Kelreen didn't say anything. She knew Master Quin was the one who had "expressed concern". He wouldn't have kept his observances to himself. He shouldn't.

"How feel you?" Master Yoda asked. It seemed like a simple question. It had been, the first time he'd ever asked her back when she was part of Dragon Clan as a youngling. She'd told him that she was hungry because lunch was soon. He'd smiled and chuckled saying that he heard they were serving sweet-sand cookies for dessert in the commissary.

But Kelreen understood now just how complex the question could be. It all depended upon the answer, and the answerer.

"I feel…troubled, Master."

"In what way?" Master Windu asked.

"I find it hard to find peace. Ever since—Saleucami—I have felt an overwhelming loss, like the severed bond created a rift in my mind. It keeps me from sleeping or meditating properly. I feel as though if I relax for just a second, it will consume me."

Master Windu frowned. "Have you discussed this with Master Che?"

"Yes, Master, and she has tried to give me exercises but none of them seem to work. The only time I feel peace is when I am fighting the training droids."

Master Windu looked down at Master Yoda and the two seemed to speak silently for a moment. When they looked away, Master Yoda nodded and got up from his seat, hobbling towards Kelreen.

"Permission, I ask, to enter your mind young Kelreen," Master Yoda said. "See for myself this rift."

Kelreen hesitated. Letting someone inside your mind was extremely invasive and potentially painful if you couldn't relax, as Kelreen had been thus far unable to do. But Kelreen knew that Master Yoda would not have asked if he did not feel it was necessary. And perhaps Master Yoda could help.

"Yes, Master." She knelt in the traditional meditative position, resting her hands on her knees before the diminutive form of the Jedi Order's wisest and most powerful master. They were eye to eye now.

"Relax, clear your mind," Master Yoda hummed as he placed a green, three-fingered hand on Kelreen's forehead over her eyes. She'd heard those very same words spoken so many times before. Kelreen fought to internalize them and layer by layer began to lower the mental shields she had developed during wartime. They were stiff, having been slammed into place for too long and only thickened with each battle. It seemed like another life when Kelreen had walked around with her mind open. Removing her shields was like shedding a heavy jacket after months of winter. She felt lighter. The ebb and flow of the Force around her was suddenly not so very far away. There it waited, lapping at her mind, patient for her to reach out to it.

Kelreen felt the Light side gather and the presence of Master Yoda enfolded her. He was calm, serene, weathered by years of experience but still capable of light playfulness. And he was so much _bigger_ in the Force. He encircled her as his physical arms never possibly could. His probing was gentle and respectful. He did not dig through her memories or sample each of her emotions along the way. Master Yoda was looking for something very specific and it was easy to find. There, among her feelings and her strongest memories, stood the gap Master T'Bolton had filled. Kelreen felt Yoda approach it cautiously, probing it yet all the while cautious of causing her any sort of physical pain. He brushed the torn, ragged edges of her old bond and Kelreen winced at the stab she felt in her heart. Even after six months the wound was still raw.

Master Yoda did not stay long, merely long enough to make his full assessment, before he withdrew. Kelreen opened her eyes, face to face with the quiet countenance of Master Yoda. Master Windu had taken his seat and was waiting with all the patience of a Jedi Master. Kelreen felt her leg muscles spasm from staying in the same position for too long and she shifted, breaking the trance. She got shakily to her feet, feeling exhausted and stiff.

"Thank you, Kelreen," Master Yoda said. "Seen all that was needed, I have. Meditate on the best course of action we will."

"You are dismissed. May the Force be with you," Master Windu said.

"May the Force be with you, Masters," she murmured in reply. Kelreen walked slowly and unsteadily out of the Council Chamber and the door closed behind her.

A few moments after Kelreen left, another door opened, this one leading to the meditation chamber where the High Council would sometimes meet in smaller groups to think on an issue and seek answers in the Force. Master Obi-Wan Kenobi entered, clear worry in his eyes. "What did you sense, Master?" he asked.

Yoda sighed, shaking his head. Before the Separatist incident and the Clone Wars it was rare to see Yoda genuinely troubled. Now it was becoming all too common. "Deep the bond with her master was. Severed before it could be closed. An open wound it still is."

"But it has been six months," Mace said. "And during that time she has been seeing the Temple's chief healer."

"A second part to this mystery there is. _Unwilling_ to let go, Padawan Kelreen is."

"Unwilling? But if she doesn't let go of the severed bond she—"

"She will die," Obi-Wan finished.

Yoda nodded solemnly. "Not conscious of this she is," he explained. "But happening all the same it is."

"What can we do to help her?" Obi-Wan asked, his arms folded across his chest with one hand resting pensively on his chin.

"A new master she needs," Yoda said. "In this, correct Master Quinlan was."

"Who? There are no knights available to train a padawan," Mace said.

"A knight will not do. A master she needs. Patience and understanding she needs." Yoda was thoughtful for a moment and then his brown eyes turned upwards to Obi-Wan.

"Requires experience this matter does."

Obi-Wan had been long enough on the Council to see the suggestion immediately and the next moment he was shaking his head. "I cannot take on a new padawan. I am in the middle of tracking down the Sith Master! I cannot involve a padawan in such a matter and I will not subject her to another possible loss." His blue eyes were pained in memory. "Nobody should have to bear that burden twice."

"I agree with Obi-Wan," Mace said. "Finding the Sith Master must be our priority. With the end of the war there is a high likelihood he will make some sort of move, possibly even revealing himself. We cannot afford another war."

"Difficult this decision is. The padawan's only hope, Obi-Wan is. Yet important his mission is also." Yoda sighed heavily. "Soon the decision must be made. Hang in the balance a padawan's life does."

Since he'd returned Master Quin had seemed to take it upon himself to occupy Kelreen's time with everything he could. When she wasn't in class or studying for a class she was with Master Quin, working on her psychometry or learning basic Ataru techniques that she could incorporate into her Shien style. Sometimes he took her to a favored meditation spot and ran her through strength and meditation drills. A couple times he even took her outside of the Temple precinct, down into Coruscant's lower levels when he had to meet with people for various reasons. One in particular Kelreen remembered vividly. He was a Devaronian smuggler who seemed to have an interesting relationship with Master Quin and might've been one of the slipperiest beings Kelreen had ever met.

"You have a baby Jedi now, do you Vos?" the Devaronian, who introduced himself as "Villie" asked.

"I'm not a baby," Kelreen snapped.

"And she's not my apprentice," Master Quin added.

"Oh? Relative, perhaps?" Villie pointed a red finger towards Kelreen's clan tattoos.

"Niece," Master Quin said, his voice low and warning. "So leave her alone, Grahrk."

"Okay, okay! You Jedi are so _sensitive_!"

"What do you have for me, Villie?"

"Well, Villie may have heard something in a bar or two that he wrote down because he thought his Jedi friend might want to know about it." Villie lazily, but surreptitiously, handed over a small data chip. Master Quin took it in hand and in another smooth gesture it was tucked safely inside his tunic.

"I'll take a look at it."

"Good, Villie glad to have helped his Jedi friend. So, this is your niece?"

Kelreen knew better than to contradict Master Quin. If he'd lied before there was a reason for it. Kelreen could follow a lead. The way Villie was looking at her, with a gleam in his eye that set her on edge, Kelreen was more than happy to be closer associated with Master Quin. Villie seemed to respect, and possibly fear him.

"Yes."

"She doesn't have yellow tattoos…"

"On my father's side."

"Mm, and how old is father's niece? Villie might like to get to know better." Villie took a step towards Kelreen but Master Quin headed him off, getting between the two. "Grahrk," he growled, his hand overtly straying towards his lightsaber beneath his cloak. Villie might not have been able to see what he was going for, but he definitely knew what was hidden there.

"Okay, okay! Villie only joking," the Devaronian insisted. "Villie know baby Jedi niece is off limits."

"Keep your eyes and ears open."

"Villie always keeps both eyes open, even when Villie sleeps." Villie nodded to Kelreen and then grinned at Master Quin. It looked more threatening than any smile Kelreen had ever seen with his sharpened teeth and the two horns that grew out of his head.

"Vos, Jedi niece." He turned and slipped off into the shadows of Coruscant's under levels.

"Quin, who was _that_?" Kelreen asked as they climbed back up to the Jedi Temple.

"Vilmarh Grahrk," Master Quin replied. "I first met him on Nar Shaddaa, after Aayla and I lost our memories. He'd bet that I would make it off Nar Shaddaa alive in order to cover other gambling debts and then proceeded to help me, but not before double- and triple-crossing me."

"I don't think I'd trust him with my life."

"I wouldn't trust him with a shimmer fish. But Villie is smart, not to mention lucky, and he usually has a good ear. He makes a good informant and he _has_ saved my life on a few occasions."

Kelreen looked to the alley that Villie had disappeared down. "I guess he was sweet, in his own way. Why did you bring me down here to meet him?"

Master Quin hesitated. "I wanted you to be a familiar face to him. Like I said, I don't trust Grahrk, but he has helped me out of a few situations in the past. For all his sneaky and conniving ways…"

"And this is why you told him I was your niece? So that if I was in trouble, he might help me too?"

Master Quin smiled down at her. "You're learning." He bent down and picked up an old flimsi article from the Holonet. "Read that."

Kelreen took the article in hand but knew Master Quin didn't want her to actually read the article. He wanted her to read the images off the object. Master Quin had probably done it in the few brief seconds he'd held the flimsi before handing it to her. He was that good. Kelreen tried to focus on the piece of grimy flimsi, turned black by the polluted water that trickled down into the lower levels and the muck of thousands of beings. The key to psychometry wasn't about seeing. It was about _feeling_. Some Jedi could learn how to do it. They could feel the lingering Force presences. About one in a hundred Kiffar were born with this natural ability and thus it seemed to go hand-in-hand with Force sensitivity.

An image came to her mind of a young Rodian peeling the flimsi from the sole of his boot where it had stuck and tossing it away. Before that, a human child scavenged it out of the trash to wrap up some sort of greasy scrap of food for later. After that the images began to turn blurry and fleeting. A Twi'lek female, somebody's hand, another few boots with no leg attached. When Kelreen pressed for the first reader of the article, she saw nothing at all.

"Well?" Master Quin asked as Kelreen seemed to study the flimsi.

"A Rodian got it stuck to his boot, and there is a child scavenger before him."

"What else?"

Kelreen listed off all the brief glimpses she'd gotten, shaking her head. "The images were blurred and incoherent after the first two."

Master Quin nodded though Kelreen could tell he was disappointed in her lack of progress. He didn't show it in his expression, but Kelreen's old master had been a Lorrdian. She knew how to read body language. She'd known Master Quin long enough to read _him_.

"This came from a Senator's office," Master Quin said, his fingertip just barely brushing over the torn edge of the flimsi. "It was torn out. Someone didn't like the article. I'd say it was the Senator from Caramm V, or should I say the _former_ senator." The headline read "Ado Eemon found guilty of War Crimes". It was a common headline nowadays. Anyone with any power in the Confederacy was being brought up on war crimes. The Courts were working overtime, sessions taking longer than Senate meetings.

Of course, Ado Eemon was guilty. Kelreen had been following the case for her politics class. The post-Clone Wars Republic was a very active and interesting situation, from a political student's perspective. "Senator Meldo Selsyn. He was probably in office because he was one of Eemon's allies. In all likelihood he will be brought up on charges soon as well." Kelreen tossed the paper into a bin as they exited the turbolift back to the Temple level. Just before they stepped back into the Temple precinct, Master Quin paused. Kelreen drew to a stop beside him.

"Master Quin?"

"How are you, Kelreen?"

Kelreen frowned. She'd been alright when she was talking to Villie and spending time with Master Quin. Her mind was elsewhere and that was good for her. Kelreen likened it to the focus she felt when she smashed droids. But she wasn't good. Better than before. Master Quin made sure she ate three meals a day and kept her active. But her nights were much the same and the moment she was left alone the black hole started to pull at her. She was terrified of being alone. What if one time the black hole won and it swallowed her whole, leaving nothing behind?

Master Quin took her silence as his answer. His only reaction was the slight wrinkle in his forehead and a worried glint in his dark eyes. It made her feel guilty. Master Quin was trying, he truly was. And Kelreen was grateful for it. She recognized that if she'd continued on as she had been, she would have likely starved to death. She tried to do more. She tried to meditate again but every time she went back to that night. She should have sensed the Morgukai coming behind her. She would've sensed it, dodged out of the way, and delivered a low slash, right to the bottom of the chest plate. The Morgukai would have been injured enough to stop fighting and she would've gone on protecting Master T'Bolton. And then he'd be here right now, seeing what he'd been fighting for.

"Kelreen?"

Her brown eyes left the distant building she had been caught on and flickered back up to Master Quin.

"I am doing _better_, Quin," she replied. "It wasn't a lie, she told herself. Not a complete one. She was gaining weight again. She wasn't breaking the Code to give Master Quin what he was working for, what he hoped for.

Master Quin nodded once. "Good." And like that the suspended moment was broken and they continued on to the Jedi Temple. 'It wasn't a lie,' Kelreen told herself. But if that was so then why did she feel guilt deep in the pit of her stomach?

Masters Yoda, Mace, and Obi-Wan met in one of the Temple's most private rooms. It was Master Yoda's personal meditation chamber. Each had been there before, but this time it was different. The use was not to find inner balance or to discuss disturbing visions from the Force. The _purpose_ could very well be considered treason.

"I've tracked the Sith lord to 500 Republica," Obi-Wan reported, his voice low as if even now he was worried about someone overhearing. "A series of scrambled comm. calls were made just before the kidnapping of the Chancellor and the attack on Coruscant. It was a code we've never encountered before. It's not a Republic encryption and it matches no known Separatist encryptions either."

"Have you been able to break it?" Mace asked.

"Unfortunately no. I have been hesitant to include anybody, including the Republic codebreakers and this is why." Obi-Wan presented a holomap image of the 500 Republica building. It was the apartment space of many Senators and leading politicians of the Republic. The security of the building was state-of-the-art and that didn't even take into consideration the personal security each of the senators and dignitaries would put into place additionally. The only reason Obi-Wan had a map of the building was because it was part of the Jedi archives from past protection details.

"The droids were unable to break the encryption to determine the recipients of the messages, but they were able to track the signal backwards, to here."

Mace and Yoda sat back, a wary look passing between them. The meditation chamber was silent as each council member pondered the implications of Obi-Wan's investigation.

Mace was the first to speak. "You realize that if this had come up during wartime, and we had acted on it, the Jedi Order could very much have been branded _traitors_."

"Hm, careful we must be still," Master Yoda said. "Remain Chancellor, Palpatine does."

"Is it possible whoever sent those messages is a mole? Someone close to the Chancellor?" Mace asked.

"Until we can get them decrypted, it is still possible. Unfortunately they have far surpassed my skills in such an area. I request that that task be given to Master Nu and her team."

"Granted," Mace said. "But this must be kept of the utmost secret. If what you have uncovered is _true_…"

"Allowed to escape the Sith master cannot be," Yoda said.

Obi-Wan nodded agreement. "I will continue my search with the greatest discretion."

Mace nodded. "Then I think we are finished here." He and Obi-Wan rose to leave.

"Master Obi-Wan, remain please."

Obi-Wan paused and Mace looked to Yoda with only a brief, silent question before he left, closing the door to the meditation chamber behind him. Obi-Wan took a seat again, folding his legs and waiting patiently for Yoda to speak.

"Anymore about Padawan Kelreen have you thought?"

Obi-Wan frowned. "I have, Master."

"And?"

"I still don't believe it is a good idea for me to take another padawan. Especially not with these new developments, and my previous track record," he added, thinking of a young man now living on Naboo.

"Hmpf," Yoda scoffed. "Similar words I have heard before. Not far from the tree the fruit falls."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened almost imperceptibly as he realized who Yoda was comparing him to. And then he felt a brief stab of guilt. Qui-Gon had given _him_ the chance. But that didn't change how much danger Obi-Wan was in, especially now that his suspicions were being validated. Dooku had told him that the Senate was being controlled by a Sith lord called "Darth Sidious". At first he had dismissed it as one of Dooku's many lies. But the Chancellor remained shrouded in darkness, even with the war finished. Palpatine's actions had made Obi-Wan feel uneasy even before the end of the war. That he persisted in holding onto the Grand Army of the Republic rather than allowing the clones to create lives of their own was more than just unnerving. Either Chancellor Palpatine was a puppet being controlled by someone very close to him, or the Chancellor was the Sith himself!

Such a conflicting and potentially dangerous situation was not the place for a padawan. Especially an already conflicted one.

"Master, the Sith Lord—"

"May be handled by others, if necessary it becomes."

Obi-Wan sighed heavily. Yoda had just effectively stripped away all his reasons _not_ to take Kelreen as his padawan. His doubts about his abilities, gone with the words of his former master. His concerns about the precarious mission he was currently involved with passed off to another master if necessary. Mace could handle the investigation, if need be. Obi-Wan's investigation skills were a bit more subtle, but Mace would handle the situation with the appropriate caution and care. But the question still remained, why was Yoda pushing so hard? Obi-Wan was not the only Master who would do. There were others in the Order that could be found if pressed. What reason did Yoda have for insisting on Obi-Wan?

"What have you seen?" Obi-Wan asked. It was the only logical explanation. Yoda must've seen something Obi-Wan didn't in his own meditations. It was entirely possible; Yoda was so much stronger in the Unifying Force than Obi-Wan. But Yoda was also reluctant to tell others what he'd seen.

"Important she could one day be. When padawan you were, uncertain was your future."

Obi-Wan had been worried that Yoda would say something like that. The truth is, he'd felt the potential too as he meditated on Padawan Nayqus. But there was potential in every padawan. What about this one was so important?

"Yours the decision must be," Yoda said finally.


	4. Chapter 3

Going Back

By: Katerinaki

Published: April 9, 2015

Beta'ed: No

Notes: Thank you to those who read and reviewed the last chapter. This is the last chapter that I have written in its entirety. Every other update from here out will depend on my writing time/speed. I apologize in advance if it's not as fast, but these are long chapters and I have a job that keeps very long and tiresome hours. Thank you in advanced for your patience and understanding.

Chapter 3:

Master Quin was leaving. It was only expected, though. The war might be over, but the Grand Army of the Republic remained and there were still many worlds that still fought. Master Quin was called on once more to lead a battalion of troopers, only this time he said it would be different.

"I'm not storming any strongholds," Master Quin told Kelreen as she saw him off in the hangar of the Jedi Temple. "We are going to establish peace. It's just like any other mission."

Kelreen nodded, but she couldn't help but think that it wasn't. So much had changed. Was it even possible to go back to the way things were? Would missions ever be simply trade negotiations or peace treaties? Walking around the Temple, she could still see many Jedi wearing the specialized armor from the wars. All of the Knights and Masters, and even some of the padawans still wore it, even within the supposed safe confines of the Jedi Temple. And for all his talk about establishing peace Master Quin wore it too as he climbed into his Jedi starfighter with its modified turbolaser cannons and proton torpedoes.

She watched as he ran through his preflight checks all from memory, not even glancing at the flight book. There was a time when Jedi hardly ever used starfighters. Now the initiates were trained with them in flight simulators. The engines of his starfighter whirred to life and the cockpit began to close. Master Quin looked up at Kelreen and smiled, winking as he'd done many times before. Kelreen mustered up a smile in return as she stepped away. She watched his starfighter rise off its legs and fly out, cutting off half a space lane before it was out of sight.

And then she was alone.

She had no more classes for the day and she'd spent so much time in the archives recently that she was caught up in all of her course work. Master Nu had made a comment the other day that perhaps she should assign Kelreen research tasks, to take some of the work from her and her team. Kelreen had readily agreed, to Master Nu's great surprise. It was only a week later that Master Nu pushed her out of the archives, telling her that a padawan should be active and not bent over a research station all day. It was most unlike the archives mistress.

Not having any work and not willing to go back to her quarters and face the visions and memories that kept her from sleep, Kelreen took to wandering the Temple. When she was a young initiate she'd spent many hours exploring the Jedi Temple with her fellow Dragon clan members, and even some from other clans. They would sometimes go down to the maintenance level and laugh at the broken droids that made funny sounds and tried to hop around on only one leg. Other times they would peek into the private training salles and watch with wide eyes and agape mouths as Knights, and sometimes even Council members, sparred and practiced lightsaber forms they'd never even seen before.

But Kelreen always remembered their favorite place to go were the Temple's gardens. The Jedi Temple had many beautiful gardens and each one was modeled after a different world. There were some that were lush jungles, others with tall, bright flowers that stretched up to the artificial-sun lights. Some had little trickling streams and others were strange and held just one or two plants amid tall rock formations. Their favorite was always the waterfall room. A never-ending stream tumbled over a rocky cliff about 10 meters high and emptied into a fairly large pool. Trees grew around the edges of the pool and reached out like the initiates had, trying to see who could go the farthest without falling off the edge. The waterfall room was the perfect place to play after a long, tiring saber training session with Master Yoda. Kelreen and her friends would leap off the top of the waterfall and try to outdo each other with their tricks. They'd dive under the crashing waters into the air pocket behind the waterfall and then leap out and scare each other. Kelreen's favorite was always to make a temporary opening in the waterfall, only to let it crash down on an unsuspecting clan mate.

That was where Kelreen's feet took her after seeing Master Quin off. The waterfall room was just as she'd remembered it, if a little bit smaller. Kelreen walked around to the lone kuvara tree that stood just at the edge of the pool. They'd always set their things under the kuvara tree, and when they'd gotten hungry they'd shimmy up its trunk and pluck the sweet, juicy fruits from its branches. Kelreen sat down in the grass under the kuvara tree and leaned back against its sturdy trunk.

It was the first time she'd been still and alone and the visions did not come forward. The black hole was there. She could feel it, just at the back of her mind. She could always feel it, though for the moment it seemed content to remain quiet. Kelreen sat and listened to the soft roar of the waterfall. It reminded her of the mission she and Master T'Bolton had taken to M'haeli, just after he'd asked her to be his padawan. It was a simple courier mission. They'd delivered their missive to King Mal'syk at the royal palace in N'croth without any problems and then Master T'Bolton took Kelreen up to the W'eston Falls high above the capital. There they'd looked down upon the agricultural fields of M'haeli that stretched on to kilometers as far as the eye could see. Master T'Bolton explained how the fields were tended by the H'drachi, the indigenous people of M'haeli who were naturally Force-sensitive. The H'drachi called the Force "the time-stream" and believed that they would endure through the time-stream.

"The Jedi have a similar belief," Master T'Bolton said.

"There is no death, there is the Force," Kelreen replied.

"Exactly. When a Jedi dies, they rejoin the Force, becoming one with it once more. When one of our own rejoins the Force, we may feel the loss of their immediate presence, but we should not mourn them. They are not truly gone. We can feel them each time we call upon the Force."

Kelreen was brought back from the memory by a hand that brushed her shoulder. Reacting on instinct nurtured in war, she immediately rolled just out of reach and was on her feet with her lightsaber in hand within the blink of an eye. There was a time when Kelreen would have simply turned her head and looked up. But then, during the Battle of Mimban, her and her troopers had been taken by surprise. All but Kelreen and three troopers were killed. She never let her guard down again after that. Had the intruder been a Separatist droid it would've been sliced from shoulder to hip. But Kelreen wasn't facing the Separatists anymore. Their armies were little more than scrap. Her green blade clashed against blue and the two energy blades cracked as the charged ions interacted. Kelreen came face to face with an image she'd seen many times before, from afar and splashed across the HoloNet. Master Obi-Wan Kenobi met her Shien slash with a defensive Soresu block, his expression never portraying more than the neutral Jedi calm, despite the sudden, unexpectedness of Kelreen's attack.

Within a second, Kelreen's mind registered that she had not only attacked a fellow Jedi, but an esteemed High Council member, not to mention the Republic's "Negotiator". She deactivated her saber almost as quickly as she'd drawn it and took a few steps back, embarrassment overtaking any other thoughts she may have had. Unfortunately, the trunk of the kuvara tree she had been sitting under stood very close to the edge of the pool. Kelreen's foot stepped back on nothing but air and before she could catch herself she fell backwards into the pool with a large splash.

The cold water centered her better than an hour's meditation could have. It brought her racing mind to focus and forced her to only think about getting to the surface. Her lungs ached from water inhaled in the initial plunge. As Kelreen broke the surface of the pool, she gasped for air and immediately began coughing. A hand reached out to help her and Kelreen caught it, letting it pull her back onto the grass as her body attempted to clear her lungs. At last Kelreen was able to breathe properly again. She greedily took long gulps of air until she'd caught her breath and her heart rate slowed. Only then did she become aware that, not only was Master Kenobi still there, he was kneeling over her with concern.

"I am sorry for startling you," he apologized as he draped a dry robe over her shoulders. It wasn't Kelreen's. That hung across her back, dripping wet like the rest of her. When she looked up, she found Master Kenobi wearing just his tunic. It was his own robe, then.

"No," Kelreen said, her voice raspy from coughing. "I should apologize. I overreacted. It is not the Jedi way to draw a lightsaber against any who surprise them."

Master Kenobi shrugged. "We all have many habits born from the war. I have learned how to sleep dangling from my arms on a wall."

Kelreen winced. "I'm sorry." I'm sorry for attacking you. I'm sorry you were forced to learn such a skill.

"It is nothing you or anybody else should be sorry for," Master Kenobi said. "Our past shapes who we are. It is neither good nor bad, unless we allow it to be."

"Yes, Master Kenobi." The words ached. She'd said them so many times before as an epilogue to every lesson Master T'Bolton had ever taught her.

_ "Do not worry about the future or dwell on the past. Focus on the moment."_

_"Yes, Master."_

_"Never forget, Padawan, we are Jedi. We do not allow our emotions to rule us."_

_"Yes, Master."_

_"Trust in the Force to guide you, Padawan. It will see you through even your greatest trials."_

"Yes, Master," Kelreen whispered, her breath stolen as the black hole in her mind widened, like a great beast unhinging its jaws to swallow her whole.

Obi-Wan watched Kelreen's eyes. A simple phrase, "Yes, Master", brought forth so many intense emotions. Pain and loss were the most prevalent. Obi-Wan was very familiar with them. He had felt them too, just after losing Master Qui-Gon. But there was also a deep, abiding fear. Fear of what, Obi-Wan could only guess. Fear, perhaps, that she would be cast aside? Or maybe she feared that she would be next to follow her Master into the Force. He saw loneliness too, even in the heart of the Jedi Temple. With the war over there were many Jedi returning to the Temple. The halls seemed to buzz with activity, the likes of which Obi-Wan hadn't seen since before the invasion of Naboo. Obi-Wan knew that orphaned padawans were placed into a special training group known to the padawans as the "Sea Turtle Clan". Baby sea turtles are left by their mother to hatch and find their way to the sea on their own. The padawans in the training group aren't left alone though. They have lessons with Temple Battle-masters and other Masters who also teach the initiate clans. Some are old enough to finish their training and take their Trials in this group. Others are chosen as padawans to new masters. Whatever their circumstances, no padawan is alone. At least, they shouldn't be.

"I would like to apologize again, Master Kenobi, but I should be leaving. I have research to do before my Galactic Politics class this afternoon and Master Nu will not allow me into the archives like…this." She gestured down to her still dripping clothes.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Of course," he said. Kelreen began to remove Obi-Wan's robe but he held up a hand, stopping her. "Keep it for now. Return it when you have the chance."

Had Obi-Wan been a normal Jedi Knight, Kelreen likely would have insisted on returning the cloak. But being a Council member had some perks and Kelreen didn't argue. She merely bowed respectfully and left, her boots leaving wet footprints along the path. Obi-Wan watched her go with a frown. He knew that Kelreen had finished her research. Master Nu had commented on Kelreen's presence in the archives in recent weeks when he had taken the ciphered messages to her. Apparently she too was worried about the padawan. Considering Master Nu's focus seemed only ever on her archives, Kelreen had to be spending almost every waking hour in the archives. No padawan class required that much research. It was easy to see why Kelreen might be feeling alone.

But why was she doing so much research? Spending time in the archives was a choice. But what would drive her to bury herself in such boring, tedious work? It was odd behavior for one who seemed to be unable to let go of a former master. When Obi-Wan had lost his own, he had passed through many different stages. Once the shock had worn off, he'd tried to think about what he could've done differently, so that Master Qui-Gon was still alive. Perhaps he could have run faster. Or he could have anticipated the Sith trying to separate them. But Obi-Wan couldn't stay in that stage because Anakin needed him. He couldn't fail Master Qui-Gon's last request, so he threw himself into Anakin's training, intent on making him the finest Jedi Knight the Order had ever seen. And Anakin had become a great Jedi. His actions saved many people, for all the bumps along the way. Yes, Anakin had helped Obi-Wan. He hadn't had the time to dwell on his own loss; Anakin needed him.

Perhaps the archives were Kelreen's attempt at finding her own "Anakin".

Regardless, it was out of his hands. Yoda and Mace would find a master for Kelreen. Obi-Wan had the rest of the galaxy, and possibly the continuation of the Jedi Order, to think about. If the Sith Lord was not found soon, all those who died in the war, all the clones, civilians, and Jedi, would have given their lives for nothing. Even now as he thought about one struggling padawan, the Sith Lord could be plotting to destroy everything the Jedi Order sacrificed for. He couldn't afford to be distracted. Master Nu and her team would crack the ciphers. In the meantime, Obi-Wan could be searching for more clues. They had the Separatist High Council in custody. He couldn't question them through the official channels. Not if someone close to the Chancellor is the Sith Lord.

Obi-Wan sighed heavily. It looked like he would be breaking into the Republic Courts' secured holding cells, again.

The main refectory was crowded. Many Jedi had just returned, having finally declared peace in the Outer Rim. Since the end of the war the Jedi Temple was slowly becoming more and more crowded, although Kelreen knew that it was not nearly as busy as it had been before the Clone War. With so many Jedi lost, it would take many years to regain the numbers they had before the Battle of Geonosis. Still, Kelreen was used to being able to sit in the corner and mechanically eat her food without being bothered. That just didn't seem to be the case anymore. She was surprised when a female padawan around her age with the pale skin and the antennapalps of a Balosar and a male, blue-skinned Rutian Twi'lek set their trays down right in front of her.

"I'm Lyna, this is Zaz," the Balosar said. "You didn't look busy."

Kelreen _did_ have her datapad out, but she was only looking through yet another boring court case of another Separatist supporter being brought up on charges. They were always the same and Kelreen had read enough of them that she could probably write the report without actually being privy to the proceedings.

"You're in our saber class," Zaz added. "With Master Wren. I remember watching you fight the other day."

Kelreen winced. She'd been distracted during that fight and it ended with her on her back and Master Wren's green blade at her neck. The Shistavanen master had grinned down at her in the menacing way all Shistavanen grinned and proceeded to help her to her feet and then discipline her for not maintaining her focus. A Jedi always had to maintain his or her center in battle. Losing focus was the easiest way to get yourself killed. It was how Kelreen's master had been killed. Master Wren hadn't said that, but Kelreen knew it was the truth. She had lost her focus, had let herself become distracted by the urgency of the fighting and the losses they were sustaining.

"You're really good," Zaz interrupted her thoughts and Kelreen saw a brief flash of concern cross his face.

"That's 'cause all she does is train and study," Lyna replied, poking at the food on her tray. "Haven't you seen her? If she's not trashing droids in the training room she's in the Archives. You need to get out more. Live while you can, 'cause as soon as you hit Knighthood it will be all missions and training a padawan." Lyna winked at Zaz, obviously sharing the memory of a past exploit between the two of them. Kelreen wasn't impressed. Even before she became padawan to Master T'Bolton, she'd never snuck out of the Jedi Temple. She knew some initiates and padawans did that, but it was highly frowned upon. Padawans and initiates weren't to leave the Temple grounds without the permission of their master or the knight in charge of their clan. Patrols had been doubled during wartime and had yet to relax since.

"I'm perfectly content," Kelreen replied curtly.

Lyna snorted. "You're miserable! We can all see it. So here's what you're going to do. There's an…outing tonight. All the rest of the Sea Turtles are going and Zaz insisted we drag you along too. So I'll help you get ready after evening meditation."

"I don't—"

"See you tonight then." Lyna stood, taking her uneaten tray with her and left the refectory. Zaz lingered a moment longer, giving Kelreen a sympathetic smile.

"I know she can be a little abrupt, but you should come. We all know how it is…it's not easy and this helps. Trust me."

"It's still dangerous," Kelreen hissed lowly at him. "The war is only just over."

"We're careful, and we take our lightsabers with us. I pity the Seps who try to go for us. It'll be a lot of fun, you'll see."

Kelreen seriously doubted that. Still, after her afternoon galactic politics class she returned to her quarters and tried to sift through her few possessions to find something suitable for the evening. As a Jedi, she had few things of her own, but she did have a few articles of non-Jedi clothing. Master Quin had been responsible for them. In some cases, it was better you didn't look the part. She had picked out a pair of tight pants, designed for riding swoops when her conscience finally seemed to catch up. Sneaking out was against the rules, not to mention reckless and dangerous. A Jedi didn't seek thrills, which is exactly what Lyna and Zaz were proposing. Master T'Bolton would not have approved.

_'Master T'Bolton is _dead,' replied a bitter voice in her mind. '_He's not your master anymore. He's gone.'_

But he would always be Kelreen's master. She tried to force back that voice, reminding herself that Master T'Bolton wasn't really gone; he was now one with the Force. She hung the pants in the back of her closet where they belonged and closed the doors. She had evening meditation soon and she was hoping to get in more saber training beforehand. Perhaps if her body was tired, her mind would relax easier. Kelreen took up her robe and left for the training salle.

Twenty-two training droids later, she was exhausted and breathing heavily. She climbed up to the veranda where the Sea Turtle Clan had their evening meditation and took a spot in the corner as other began arriving. She closed her eyes and focused on just her heart rate, slowing it to a resting pace and cooling her body down. When she was physically under control, she at last started to expand her senses and release herself into the Force.

The black, gaping maw in her mind was waiting for her. The more she gave herself over, the wider it stretched blocking the light of the Force from her. Kelreen frantically tried to push it away, to focus on the light side of the Force, but the more she struggled the stronger the darkness became.

'_Calm yourself.'_ She heard the voice of Master Solniva, the master who was leading the Master-less apprentices through evening meditation. Her presence soothed, backed by Force suggestion. Kelreen clung to the master's words and slowly the darkness began to recede and the light of the Force returned. With Master Solniva as an anchor, Kelreen was at last able to give herself over and quiet her mind.

_'Stay, please,'_ Kelreen pleaded as Master Solniva began to pull away.

_'You must maintain this on your own. I or one of the other masters will not always be able to help you. You must learn to center _yourself_.'_

_'Please. I can't. It's too much.'_

Master Solniva stayed with her throughout the meditation. When Kelreen opened her eyes again, she looked up at the green-skinned Twi'lek master who had taken a seat next to her. Master Solniva was disappointed. Kelreen could see it in her eyes and the way she seemed to hang her shoulders. This was not the first time Master Solniva had helped Kelreen through her evening meditation. Where the other padawans were improving, Kelreen remained the same, or was worse. Kelreen knew that most, if not all, of her peers could maintain their own meditation through the full time. At seventeen, Kelreen should be able to do the same. Initiates needed help, not Jedi apprentices. As the other apprentices left, Master Solniva never moved and Kelreen knew that she was expected to stay as well. When the last of them were gone, she was finally addressed.

"Have you been continuing your sessions with the mind healers?"

"Yes, Master," Kelreen replied.

"And it has not helped?"

"Some."

"I encourage you to keep practicing the techniques they give you." Master Solniva laid a gentle hand on Kelreen's shoulder. "It is not an easy thing, losing one's master. But we must remember that they are one with the Force once more. Grief is natural, but by clinging to our grief we are inviting in the dark side. Release your emotions into the Force. There is no emotion, there is peace."

"Yes, Master."

Kelreen bowed and thanked Master Solniva for her wisdom and assistance before leaving. Each session it was the same. Kelreen would fail to maintain her meditation and the master would quote the Jedi Code to her. Then she would say "yes, master" and thank them for their wisdom before repeating the same process again the next time. It was exhausting, and though she attended sessions with the Jedi Temple's mind healers, nothing seemed to help. She remained broken. Perhaps this was the Force's way of telling her that she wasn't meant to be a Jedi Knight. After all, a Jedi had to have control over their emotions. Kelreen couldn't even quiet her mind for a few hours of meditation. How many times would a master quote the Code to her before they decided that Kelreen didn't belong anymore, that she was broken beyond repair, a hopeless cause?

"I don't think this is a good idea," Kelreen told Lyna and Zaz as they practically dragged her through the Uscru Entertainment District. All around her millions of lights flashed and signs everywhere advertised various clubs in thousands of different languages. Beings of every kind passed them on the street and none seemed to blink an eye at the unusual trio. After all, a Kiffar, Balosar, and Twi'lek walk into a bar sounds like the start of a bad joke.

"Relax," Zaz replied, slinging an arm over Kelreen's exposed shoulders. Lyna had forced her into a very small, very tight black dress. Her lightsaber was left back at the Temple; there was no place for it as the dress left nothing to the imagination. Kelreen had never felt so exposed in her life. They steered her towards a nearby establishment, a club called "Rouba's". Inside, Kelreen was surprised to see some familiar faces among the sea of patrons. Zaz and Lyna made for a corner table where Kelreen recognized a Mirialan girl from the padawan clan named Mirril, and Gunlar, a Mon Cal. Both were in the saber class with Kelreen, Lyna, and Zaz. As they arrived, three more, older padawans returned from the bar, loaded down with drinks of every color, most of which seemed to glow in the dark room.

Zaz had to yell into Kelreen's ear to be heard over the music. "This is Argenon and Staffos," he gestured to the light and dark-skinned human boys respectively. "And that's Marren," he pointed to the female Zabrak who had taken a seat by Gunlar. "Guys, you know Kelreen?"

"I do now," Staffos replied, handing Kelreen a glass of something orange. He passed similar drinks around to everyone at the table before raising his own.

"Here's to the end of a war we should have never been part of in the first place. The hard part is over, now it's time for some fun!"

The other padawans cheered before throwing their drinks back in one swallow. Kelreen was a moment behind and she nearly gagged. The drink was like ice and fire at the same time. It burned so badly, Kelreen couldn't tell if her throat was being singed or frozen. The others slammed their glasses on the table, cheering and already reaching for another drink, but it was all Kelreen could do to keep the liquid down.

"Drink this," Staffos said, pushing another drink into Kelreen's hand. This one was more of a muted green, but Kelreen didn't want to take any chances. She shook her head and tried to hold back her coughing.

"It will help," Zaz told her. Kelreen took a sip and was relieved when some of the burning was reduced. She took a longer drink and was finally able to relax. The first orange liquid seemed to have settled in her stomach and was making her feel surprisingly calm, like she had just finished a successful meditation session.

"Better?" Staffos asked.

"Much," Kelreen replied, taking another sip. The heavy beat of the music echoed through her chest and Kelreen found that as she sipped more and more of the green drink, her hips started to sway in her chair. Lyna noticed and with a wink and a smirk in Zaz's direction, pulled Kelreen out onto the floor.

Kelreen had never been to a club before, therefore she'd never danced at one, but it seemed to be a simple concept. Lyna took her hand and they swayed and rocked to the steady pulsing of the music, bumping against every being around them. If Kelreen hadn't been drinking the green drink, she probably wouldn't have liked it. But relaxed as she was, she let her senses expand. The Force flowed through the club patrons languidly and throbbed with the collective heartbeat of the room. It made Kelreen positively giddy and she found herself grinning and laughing with Lyna and Zaz joined them on the dance floor, his _lekku_ swinging back and forth.

She didn't notice the others wander off one by one until she found herself surrounded by many varied faces, none of which she recognized. But as the music in the club thrummed in her chest and Kelreen swayed, for the first time in months she could stop feeling the hole in her mind. She was simply there and she wasn't inclined to go back to the fear and loss that had consumed her in the past months.

Her connection to the Force was muted and sluggish, probably from the drinks. It subdued the pain, but it also muffled the warning in the Force until the man was at her back with his thick hands around her shoulders and his putrid breath against her cheek.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing here? I don't think I've seen you around before."

Kelreen froze and her hand twitched to where her lightsaber would have been, had she not left it behind, unable to conceal it in her dress. The being at her back misinterpreted the gesture as he tightened his grip on her shoulders and inhaled deeply.

"You smell like you're looking for some fun."

Kelreen fought to keep her voice calm but forceful, but her tongue felt heavy and her mind slow.

"I think you are mistaken. Let go of me."

"No, I'm not mistaken," the being purred in her ear. "I've been watching you all alone out here. Relax; a pretty thing like you deserves company."

"And she has it," a confident voice replied. Kelreen looked up and was shocked to see perhaps the last person she ever expected to meet in a Coruscant night club. Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Negotiator and a member of the Jedi High Council looked strangely ordinary out of the standard Jedi robes and beyond the walls of the Jedi Temple. He wasn't particularly tall as he stared down the being behind Kelreen, yet he still held the reserved Jedi bearing and Kelreen was certain _he_ hadn't left his lightsaber behind.

"Why don't you go home and enjoy a quiet night?" Obi-Wan suggested, gathering the Force in his words.

"I think I'll go home and enjoy a quiet night," the being repeated before releasing Kelreen and disappearing into the crowd.

"Come." Kelreen didn't dare refuse as she followed Obi-Wan out of the club and around the corner into a more private side street.

"That was a very reckless thing to do," Obi-Wan said. His voice and manner were calm, but Kelreen hung her head. All the bravado in doing something forbidden with the other padawans was lost and instead she felt like a youngling again who had just been caught sneaking around after bedtime.

"I'm deeply sorry, Master Kenobi," Kelreen slurred. Her words startled him a moment, but his hesitation was unnoticed as Kelreen swayed. Out in the air and away from the activity of the club she suddenly didn't feel so good. Obi-Wan caught her before she hit the duracrete.

"How much have you had to drink?" he asked.

Kelreen didn't get the chance to reply. She emptied the contents of her stomach onto the street before passing out.

When Kelreen regained consciousness she was back in the Jedi Temple, in the now very familiar Halls of Healing. Her head ached and she expected to see the tanned face of Master Stass Allie, the Chief Healer in the Jedi Temple, or perhaps even Master Quin. But instead she found Master Kenobi once more looking down at her. She was confused as she sat up further, which only served to aggravate her head and send a wave of nausea through her stomach. Strange, she wasn't normally nauseous after a session with the mind healers.

"What happened?" she asked.

"You drank too much," Obi-Wan replied, less than amused, "which is hardly surprising considering how little you've been eating."

"How would you know," Kelreen muttered before her sluggish mind seemed to catch up to whom she was speaking. "Apologies, Master Kenobi," she added quickly, mortified that she'd spoken back to a member of the Jedi High Council.

Master Kenobi didn't seem offended though. He only looked at her with pity and…understanding?

"Despite the popular belief, the Council does pay close attention to the apprentices in clans."

She laughed. The part of Kelreen that was the dutiful Jedi padawan thought she was going mad, but for some reason she couldn't stop laughing. The idea that the Jedi High Council was monitoring her eating habits was, for some reason, downright ridiculous and hilarious. It had to be a lingering effect of the drinks she'd consumed the night before. Her good sense yelled at her to stop laughing, that this was a respected Jedi Master. But the drinks didn't care. They blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"The Council doesn't care about the Sea Turtles," she replied, still chuckling. "They let us fend for ourselves, and if we make it to Knight, then all the more for them."

It was awful and Kelreen truly did not know where the words were coming from. Perhaps they were coming from the black hole in her mind, the one that always tore at her and beckoned her in. They came from her mouth and she had no control over them. Fear and panic started to build inside, rising in her throat. At last the cynical words stopped, dammed by her horror. The gaping maw opened and Kelreen clutched at her sides, digging her nails into her stomach to try to create pain, any sort of focal point.

She didn't expect warm hands to take her own and gently tug them away. She found herself gripping those hands like a lifeline, trying to draw breath around the mass in her throat.

"Breathe," a calm and gentle voice coaxed. "Feel the Force around you. Feel its peace. Breathe. Release your fear."

She drew a rattling breath.

"Breathe."

Another breath, this time easier.

"Breathe."

It was a mantra that she focused on, inhaling when ordered and slowly releasing. Slowly the black hole receded and her mind was peaceful. She could feel the Force as a low thrumming through the Halls of Healing. It was soothing, repairing, like the contented purr of an animal. When all was calm once more, she opened her eyes. Master Kenobi still sat beside her and he held her hands in his own. His eyes were closed and he breathed deeply with the same rhythm she had just used. When he opened his eyes, he seemed resolved.

"Kelreen, I would like to help you and I would like to complete your training." He looked her straight in the eye, blue meeting green.

"Would you accept me as your Master?"


End file.
